


Just play the fucking song

by toflowerknights



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, M/M, Slow Build, band au, literary she's fighting MMA, octavia kicking ass, the blakes are the best you can't convince me otherwise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-09-20
Packaged: 2018-02-06 17:45:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1866765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toflowerknights/pseuds/toflowerknights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bellamy Blake is a rockstar. Or at least he will be, one day. Add a sister that gets her ass kicked for sport and the fact that his band can't even finish a song to save their fucking lives. Now, if he could only get his bandmates to pick up their fucking instruments and actually play for once, he might actually succeed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just play the fucking song

"From the start, ok?"

Bellamy rubbed his forehead with a tired sigh. That was the fifth time in as many minutes that Bellamy had had to start the song over. He turned to face Clarke, who was standing on his right, gripping her bass and looking as if she was going to war.

"Clarke it’s, D D C, not D C D on the first verse," he said and she raised an eyebrow as a challenge. The dim light cast long shadows across her face and made it look like she was frowning in dismay at him.

"I _know_ , Bel. I helped you write it,” she said put a hand on her hip. “You know, just because you’re the singer doesn’t mean you’re in charge. We’re-“

"Equals, I know," Bellamy said and rolled his eyes. "Just play the fucking song." He turned around and grabbed the mic. From the corner of his eye he could see Clarke stick her tongue out at him and Monty choke down a laugh. He coughed once and called out. "Everybody ready?"

"Sir, yes Sir," Raven and Finn chimed in in chorus as they strummed on their guitars for effect. Bellamy felt like slamming his head repeatedly against the wall. This wasn’t how they got good. Getting good took practice. And not the kind where they just held their instruments and argued over in which order they should play their songs. Unfinished, unrehearsed songs that is. They had yet to get through an entire song without mishaps.

He gave the sign to Jasper who counted them in on drums and Bellamy closed his eyes as the song began. He lost himself to the music, banging his head to the beat and smiling when he heard everything fall perfectly into the place. Just as he opened his mouth to let the first vocal out the door to the garage opened and light poured in. The music stopped and Bellamy groaned toward the silhouette standing in front of them.

"How do we manage to get interrupted every time we start to sound good?” he complained and squinted his eyes toward the light. “Couldn’t you just have used the front door like normal people?”

"I heard you play," Octavia said as she stepped out of the light. She smirked at Bellamy and dropped her bag on the ground. "Hey, losers. What are we practicing now? _Earth Kills? Day Trip?_ ”

“ _We Are Grounders Pt. 2,_ ” Bellamy replied automatically and narrowed his eyes when he saw her face. “What the hell happened to you?”

Octavia threw her head back and laughed, which would have been fine if it wasn’t for the state of it. She had a split lip, which reopened every time she laughed, a black eye, which was swollen and looked like it hurt just to touch. That in turn twisted into a big bruise that covered the better part of her jaw.

"Don’t be a baby, Bel. I had practice today and we tried some new moves. Lincoln hit me a few times and I hit him back. It’s all good."

"I should’ve never let you start MMA," Bellamy muttered while he could hear the snickers from the rest of the band. Octavia rolled her eyes and walked up to plant a big, bloody kiss on his cheek. He immediately responded with one on the top of her head.

"You had no choice seeing as you are my brother, not my parent," she replied sweetly and batted her eyelashes at him innocently. It would have been charming if it wasn’t for the fact that one eye could barely open. "Besides, I’m really good at it, seeing as I’m… what was it? Reigning champion? Yeah, that’s it. And I’m training for a game next saturday. One you promised to attend, so you’ll be there _right_?”

Bellamy grimaced when he realised that she was right. He rarely watched her fight since every punch and every kick made his stomach turn, but she wanted him there, so of course he would be. He nodded once and she smiled brilliantly at him. “Awesome. I’m gonna win for sure, it’s only Monroe and I’ve beaten her five times already. Honestly, by now she should know better.”

She walked over to the beat up couch in the back of the garage and grabbed one of Jaspers drum sticks on the way. “You know Jasper, you could come too,” she said and gave him a sweet smile while she twirled the stick between her fingers. “We could have fun.” Jasper struggled for words, face bright red, and it wasn’t until Monty laughed out loud that he collected himself and shrugged out a shaky ‘ _yeah_ ’.

"Don’t get any ideas," Bellamy muttered and Octavia stuck out her tongue at him. Bellamy couldn’t help but to feel childish and did it right back. That earned him a small smile and he felt a burst of happiness in his chest. He turned around and caught Clarke’s gaze, and the fondness in it made that happiness immediately turn into confusion and awkwardness. He nodded with a terse smile and clapped his hands once to silence the conversations that had started between Monty, Jasper and Octavia, as well as the heavy make-out session between Finn and Raven.

"You ready to go again?" he asked them and they all nodded in agreement. "Okay, then. Jasper, whenever you’re ready!"

Jasper counted them in and once again they were off. Bellamy lost himself to the music. He delved into the sensations and the emotion of it all and when he opened his mouth to give the world his lyrics he screamed them out with all his heart. It was an angry song, a war cry, and the way they played it was as if they were fighting a battle they knew they would lose, but they wouldn’t give up no matter what. He trashed back and forth, voice getting hoarser every time the refrain was over. He gave it his all and heard his band mates play better than they’d ever done before.

The song ended and Bellamy leaned forward on his knees to catch his breath. He turned around and faced his band and they waited his critique with amused smiles. They knew they’d done good, they were just waiting for him to admit it.

"Good job, guys!" He gave them a small smile and they all cheered.

"He’s not heartless," Monty chanted and pressed the keys of his keyboard. Out of the speakers came the sound of a choir ‘aaaah’-ing their relief and Bellamy shook his head in amusement. "Yeah, yeah," he muttered fondy. He gazed over at Octavia, who smiled widely at him with blood colouring her teeth. He raised his eyebrow as if to say ‘ _what did you think?_ ' and she nodded in agreement.

"It was good. I really liked the thing in front of the refrain! The one were it was, like, all suspense before it finally breaks out!"

"The bridge, O, _bridge_ ," Bellamy groaned. "How many times do I have to tell you?" She just waved her hand as if it wasn’t of import and continued.

"Yeah, yeah whatever. I liked it. Who wrote it?"

"I did," Bellamy and Clarke said at the same time and frowned at each other. Everybody laughed. Bellamy saw Octavia subtly stretch her arms and squinted as her hand floated downward. Until it finally landed in place.

"Jasper, get your leg away from my sister’s hand," he immediately said in warning and Jasper jumped two feet to the right as if he had been burned. He palmed his jeans to get rid of any evidence that Octavia’s hand had been there seconds before and Octavia, as she’d done so many times before, rolled her eyes at her brother’s protectiveness.

"Come on now, Bel," she said. "Don’t be like that. Play me another song instead." She smiled gently at him and Bellamy felt himself relax and be the person that his sister wanted him to be. The best version of himself.

"As my queen commands," he said with a mock bow. "Everyone, _His Sister’s Keeper on my count._ ” He saw Octavia’s eyes widen in surprise before they settled in a fond, adoring smile. She curled up on the sofa with her legs underneath her as Bellamy sang to her, as he had done so many times before.

-

Bellamy had, more than once, wondered how the _fuck_ his band had turned out the way it had. Bellamy, Finn and Raven known each other since junior high, which came with both pros and cons. When they entered high school they immediately got joined by Jasper and Monty, and somehow they had included Clarke. Bellamy wasn't sure how she had gotten mixed in with them, high society as she was. Bellamy suspected teenage rebellion. But the fact that was that they were way too involved with each other than what was normal.

It went like this.

Bellamy and Clarke tended to annoy the fuck out of each other, before they realised they made good music together. Now they were hostile friends turned co-songwriters. Clarke had been dating Finn before they broke up in a, what they both called, 'mature manner'. Finn and Bellamy had woken up naked and tangled together one morning and had allowed themselves a five minute freak out before they decided that, yeah, ok they could be into it if they felt lonely. Though Finn never, was seeing as he was always on and off with Raven. Raven, whom Bellamy had had his fair share of drunken nights and crazy mornings with.

Monty and Jasper did god knows what to each other when no one was looking, and Jasper had been in love with Bellamy's sister for the better part of his life. Bellamy tried not to dwell on that last part for too long.

Now they were all half sitting, half laying in various positions in his room eating bran muffins Clarke's mother had made them. They were swallowed down with endless amounts of coffee and soda and Clarke's apologies. Octavia ran into her room and brought up their hidden stash of cookies and they were met by deep sighs of relief.

Finn was sitting on Bellamy's bed, picking on his guitar every now and then while stealing kisses from Raven, who was sitting next to him. Octavia, Jasper and Monty was laying in a heap on the floor and they were poking at Octavia's bruises while puffs of smoke trailed to the ceiling. Octavia was laughing as they poked her, mostly from pain and weariness, but she didn't tell them to stop so Bellamy wasn't worried. That left Bellamy and Clarke sitting next to each other on the big purple pillows from Octavia's room, sharing a joint. Clarke had objected at first, but when Bellamy was about to take the first drag she snapped it from his fingers and put it to her lips. She had taken too much at once and Bellamy hadn't been able to cover his smile when she coughed heavily.

"Shut up," she muttered, but she wasn't angry. Bellamy only shook his head and took a drag for himself. He leaned his head back against the wall and exhaled. His shoulder knocked against Clarke's and he took comfort in the warmth she gave. "Would you want to write another song with me?" she asked quietly and Bellamy cast a glance to his left. She was watching their friends with a scrutinizing gaze, as if she was composing right there on the spot.

"Sure," he agreed and felt Clarke relax against him. She leaned her head against his shoulder and for once Bellamy didn't mind at all.


	2. I should probably write a song about this

"I still don’t get why you’re all here."

Bellamy looked at the rest of his band mates with a deep frown. They were all carrying bags of chips and popcorn and big drinks. Every one of them looked like it was their birthday.  
"You have no idea?" Finn asked sarcastically. "None at all?" Someone bumped into him which caused popcorn to spill over and fall to the floor. He turned around to call the guy out but when he saw that the dude in question was over 7 feet tall he coughed once before turning around with a sheepish look on his face. Bellamy smirked widely while the others hid their snickers behind their hands.

"No, why on earth would you want to come to this, you don’t have to answer," he interrupted and pointed to Jasper who promptly closed his mouth. He turned to the others with an inquiring look.

"Well, it’s two things, really," Raven said with a shrug. "One, Octavia is seriously badass and two…"

"You look like you’re about to cry," Clarke finished. Bellamy huffed loudly and puffed out his chest. "I’m not gonna cry, don’t be stupid. I’ve seen her fight plenty of times, this is nothing." The others did not look convinced and he proceeded to stare them down one by one.

All of a sudden he was attacked from behind and he relaxed slightly as Octavia’s arms wrapped around him. He turned around and returned her embrace by pulling her close.

"You came," Octavia cheered happily against his chest and pulled back. She was dressed in a pair of grey sweat pants and a big hoodie that went to her knees. She looked incredibly tiny. Behind her was her trainer, Lincoln, 210 lbs of silence. Bellamy nodded awkwardly at him before focusing on his sister.

"Of course I came, I promised, didn’t I?" 

"You did, but I wasn’t sure if you were gonna chicken out or not," she said and scrunched up her face. She then proceed to jump over to their friends and hug each and every one of them. Her hands strayed a little too long on Jasper for Bellamy’s liking and as if Octavia could read his mind she turned to face him with a teasing smile on her face.

"You need to get ready," Lincoln growled out and Bellamy almost let out a yelp of surprise. He’d forgotten Lincoln was standing behind him.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Octavia said and rolled her eyes. "Come on," she continued and grabbed Bellamy’s hand." I saved you seats in the front." She began dragging Bellamy down the rows of people.

"You know, I thought we’d just… watch from the back," Bellamy started but Octavia waved him off. "No way, you won’t see a thing."

"I kinda think that was the point," Monty chimed in from the back, where the band had began pushing forward. With some help from the traitors Octavia managed to get Bellamy seated so close to the cage that he could se the loose threads in the net.

"Ok, I’m up soon and you’ll see me kick some serious ass," Octavia sing songed and kissed Bellamy on the cheek before jumping up on Lincoln’s back. Lincoln merely accepted it and silently carried Octavia back to the changing rooms while Octavia spurred him on.

Now that Octavia was out of sight the worry in Bellamy started to grow. The fights was over quickly and though his friends cheered for all they were worth Bellamy couldn’t get into it. He found himself fiddling with his phone, hoping someone would call and tell him their house had burned down or their mother wanted him home for dinner. Anything really.

There was a crackling sound from the speaker and a monotone voice was heard. He started to introduce the next round and a bouncing Octavia jumped into the cage. Bellamy straightened his back subconsciously. “In the blue corner we have..-” Bellamy tuned the speaker out when he presented the first fighter, a tall girl with a complicated braid situation going on on the back of her head. She was wearing a mouth guard and glaring at his sister from across the cage. Bellamy supposed that was a given, seeing as Octavia had beaten her every time they fought.

"And in the red corner we have the reigning MMA junior champion, with three national gold medals as well as one world gold medal. Give it up for Octavia Blake." Octavia jumped up and down with a brilliant smile on her face as she waved to the audience. They obviously loved her since the volume from the crowd increased tremendously. Bellamy couldn’t help but feel a burst of pride spread through his chest. He caught Octavia’s eyes and she winked at him before turning her attention to the fight.

The judge called them over and Bellamy noticed at once how small Octavia was next to Monroe. She was a good three inches shorter. She was wearing a pair of shorts and a sports bra and her hair was pulled in a tight ponytail. She bumped gloves with Monroe before she returned to her corner. The bell rung and they were moving. Monroe was agressive and frenzied while Octavia moved back and forth with a calm focus. Monroe made the first move and kicked out at Octavia, which was easily blocked.

One more kick and the fight was really in motion. There were punches being thrown and kicks traded back and forth and Bellamy found himself unable to look away. Octavia landed a blow to Monroe’s chin, which had his friends cheering out loud. That quickly turned into loud booing as Monroe kicked Octavia in the thigh, which had her loose her footing. Monroe used this to her advantage and pushed Octavia up against the net. She wrapped her arm around O’s neck and threw her down on the mat. When she dove after her Octavia was prepared and got her legs around Monroe’s waist. She rolled them over and effectively pinned Monroe to the floor with one leg while beating her with her hands. Monroe couldn’t do much more than protect her face.

Octavia scooted back and got up on her feet with Monroe’s legs wrapped around her waist. She pulled her arm back and delivered a well aimed blow to Monroe’s stomach. Finn stood up and screamed in appreciation and managed to throw half a bucket of popcorn over the guy behind him. “Fucking take her, Octavia,” Monty screamed while Jasper cheered on.

The first rond ended with Monroe pinned to the ground and Octavia furiously throwing punches everywhere she could hit. She bounced back to her side of the cage and Lincoln immediately sat her down on a chair and handed her an opened bottle of water. Bellamy could see Lincoln talk to her and she answered with a curt nod.

Octavia was first up and in place when the second rond began. She tilted her head back and forth and shook her hands to prepare herself. The bell rung and off they went. This time Monroe was a lot more impatient. She jumped at Octavia, completely missing to protect her flank and Octavia planted a sidekick right in Monroe’s belly that had her fall back. There was a loud roar from the crowd as Octavia pushed Monroe up against the net and landed punch after punch at her face.

Monroe kneed Octavia in the groin which had her her stumbling backwards and Monroe continued with a kick to the chest. Octavia fell backward and Bellamy felt a clench of pain when he saw her head hit the floor. Monroe was on her in a second, hammering punches left and right and Octavia desperately tried to block the blows.

Bellamy closed his eyes and hummed _Contents Under Pressure_ loudly to block out the screaming. There was a pat on his shoulder and he looked to his right. Clarke was smiling slightly and nodded toward the cage. “She’s up again,” she shouted over the crowd and when Bellamy looked over he saw Octavia with a bloody nose that was running down her chin. She wiped her face with her arm and Bellamy grimaced. “Isn’t it over soon?” he asked and everyone around him laughed.

"Octavia is a big girl," Finn said. "She can take a few punches and, _holy fuck_ , did you see that?” Bellamy snapped his head around to see Monroe on the floor with Octavia jumping up and down with a victorious look in her eyes. The judge was down on one knee and when he got up he declared knockout. Octavia threw her fist in the air and the crowd went wild. 

Bellamy had just lit a cigarette when Octavia came out on the parking lot. The sky was blood red fading into pink and she had a big bruise blooming out under her eyes. But she was smiling and that was all Bellamy cared about. “There she is,” Jasper called out and ran up for a high five before engulfing her in a big hug. The rest of their group cheered loudly and trapped her in a big group hug. Bellamy was leaning against the car and watched the scene fondly.

Octavia was laughing when she broke free and went for Bellamy. He opened his arms and she fell into them as easy as breathing. Bellamy wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. She gave out a muffled groan and he let go immediately. “Shit, did I hurt you?”

"No, fucking Monroe, man," Octavia exclaimed. "She was impatient today, she wanted to win."

"But she didn’t," Bellamy said warmly and Octavia’s eyes glittered.

"No..," she said proudly. "She didn’t."

She looked around the parking lot and then turned to face Bellamy with a somber look on her face. “No mum?” she asked quietly. Bellamy shrugged, because he didn’t know what to say. “Sorry,” he said quietly and she shook her head quickly.

"No, no, man. It’s alright," She coughed once and scratched her wet hair. "You came. That’s what matters." Bellamy felt his throat close up and he cleared it forcefully.

"I told you I would," he said softly and Octavia smiled again. "I know, it made me happy. Even though you apparently didn’t watch half of it."

Bellamy scoffed exaggeratedly. “I so did. I watched everything from beginning to end, what are you talking about? Me? Not watching my favourite sister’s fight? Meh!”

Octavia boxed him in the shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her. “Let’s go home,” he said and she nodded in agreement. Together they all climbed in into Bellamy’s tiny car and left the parking lot.

When they got home they found their mother asleep on the couch. Bellamy walked up to her and pulled a soft blanket over her sleeping form. Together he and Octavia grabbed a bucket of ice cream and went up to Octavia's room, where they had another TV. They sat side by side on her bed, fighting over the ice cream and the remote, but since Octavia had won every fight she had entered today Bellamy let her win without putting up too much of a fight. So that was the reason they were currently watching the Real Housewives of Something argue over nothing while Octavia dozed off against his shoulder.

Bellamy carefully slid out of the bed and gently let Octavia fall down against her pillows. He pulled up the covers to her shoulders and brushed a strand of hair away from her face. Then he grabbed the ice cream and headed for the door.

"Thank you for coming today."

Bellamy turned around and saw his sister's sleepy smile and instinctively smiled back. "I hated it," he admitted. "But you love it, and I love you. I'm proud of you." Octavia hid her face in her pillow and he gently closed the door.


	3. You're scribbled like lyrics across the palm of my hand

Sometimes Bellamy would lose himself inside the music. He could sit down, pick up his beat down guitar and then wake up from a haze hours later. There would be a plate of food next to him on his desk, indicating that Octavia had come in at least once, but Bellamy never noticed. Everything that mattered was the music. He could go through hundreds of songs. Not just his own, but other artists as well. He would twist the words, bend the strings and try to find his own way of making the song great. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. The times that didn't work frustrated him. Those times he would put down his guitar and not look at it again until the next day.

Making music with Clarke was different. It was calmer and less frenzied, in a way. She had a way of putting down words on a paper that confused Bellamy. She was methodical, and always had to write down everything they made before she lost it. Bellamy had tried to not look too sheepish when he realised that years of lost songs could have been salvaged, had he only put them down on paper first.

Clarke was now sitting on his bed, bass in her arms, with her tongue poking out the side of her mouth in concentration. Bellamy studied the fast pace of her hand as it swept over the note pad and left a new song behind. They hadn't written anything new in a while and Bellamy had been pleased to see that she took the band and its future seriously. Her shoes was standing at the end of his bed and the laces reached across the floor. Bellamy always wondered why Clarke felt the need to wear her shoes everywhere in their house, except for Bellamy's room. He had tried to ask her once but she had only shrugged and told him that she didn't think about it, she only did it. Like it was instinct.

"Okay, so what do you think about this."

Clarke's words made Bellamy snap out of his day dream and he listened when she played him a the latest verse they had composed. He repeated it, with guitar instead of bass this time, and hummed appreciatively at what he heard. "Yeah, that'll work just fine Princess." Clarke beamed at the praise, stuck out her tongue at the nickname, and went back to her note pad. Bellamy reached across his desk and opened the window. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one up.

"You know, I still don't know why you do that," Clarke said curiously. "I mean, you know it's not good for your voice, or health, and you don't care about the rock god image. And if you do I'll hit you over the head with your guitar, so don't even start," she added warningly when Bellamy smirked widely at her. "It just... it feels like there's better things you could spend your money on."

"Why, cause we don't have any?" Bellamy asked maliciously. Clarke ducked her head and Bellamy could see a faint blush spread across her face.

"That's not what I meant," she said quietly, but Bellamy was on the defense, like he always was where money was concerned. "No, that was exactly what you meant, wasn't it? We don't have any money to spare, so why would I spend it on something so _unnecessary_ as cigarettes. We should save up so we could fix the house, buy a new car or, hell, even new clothes. Or, why not actually eat lunch with you in school some time?" He didn't tell her the reason, was pretty sure he never would. That was something he'd never told anyone, not even Octavia, though he was pretty sure she had since long figured it out. 

"Bellamy, calm down," she said loudly. "I didn't mean it like that. It was just a question born out of curiosity, not hostility. Or judgement."

Bellamy scratched his head awkwardly. "Sorry," he muttered and tried to look the part. Clarke raised her eyebrow expectantly and Bellamy sighed in defeat. "I don't know," he said defensively. "I guess it's just habit at this point." _I'm not as hungry if I smoke,_ his mind tried to whisper at her, but she seemed to accept his half answer instead.

"Fine, let's finish this song instead."

Bellamy smiled gratefully and put out his cigarette in an old coffee cup. For the next 30 minutes they didn't do anything but work. They finished the bridge, wrote another verse, decided that there should be a two part harmony on top of the melody on the chorus and that Clarke and Raven would be the ones to do it. They played it through as well as they could and sighed in relief when it sounded just as good, if not better than, all their other songs.

They practiced the song for another 20 minutes, with only a small interruption from Octavia when she came home from practice.

"New song?" she asked as she threw her big, faded blue, training bag across the hallway and into her room. They nodded in chorus and looked at her expectantly. She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "Well?" she asked them. "Are you going to play it for me or not?"

So they did. Bellamy tried to channel all his emotions into the words and show his sister how amazing the song was. And Clarke, not one to be second best, matched him every step of the way. Octavia started to smile halfway through the song and Bellamy felt as if she was seeing something new unfold in front of her. She pushed herself off the wall and placed her hands on her hips. When the song was over she laughed out loud.

"It's a fucking love song."

Bellamy felt his chin drop in disbelief. No sound was heard except for Octavia's occasional snicker. Then Bellamy hid his face against his guitar and groaned out loud. "How, little sister," said Bellamy with a pained look on his face. "How can you miss the point so completely. Didn't I teach you anything about music? And worse, did nothing of it stick?"

Octavia shook her head. "You're blind, brother. This is the fucking sappiest love song I've ever heard. A good song though," she added quickly, with her hands raised in defense. "A good, sappy love song." Bellamy only pointed to the door and growled for her to get out. Octavia complied and threw him a kiss as she closed the door. Bellamy gave her the finger in return and lit another cigarette.

Bellamy turned around and faced Clarke with an apologetic look. She only smiled back at him with an amused look on her face, as if she knew something he didn't. Never liking being left out of the loop, Bellamy frowned slightly. "What?" he asked and Clarke shook her head kindly. "It's nothing, Bellamy," she replied and put the bass on the bed next to her. "It's nothing." She leaned back against the wall and she looked so at home against his faded wallpaper that he had to close his eyes.  When he opened them she was still there, looking at home, and looking at him. Maybe that's why he decided to tell her something true.

"I just want to make amazing music." Bellamy took a large drag of his cigarette and glanced at Clarke with a serious look on his face. Clarke looked at him like she always did. Calm and earnest, but not patronizing. "I want people to hear what I have to say, I want Octavia to be the best at whatever she chooses." He looked at the ground. "I want to leave here for good."

Clarke didn't say anything for a long while. Long enough for Bellamy to feel the threads of anxiety twist inside of him. He watched her, maybe too closely, but to no good because she was a mystery to him. Eventually, she smiled. "Thank you," was all she said. And somehow, that was enough.


	4. I've been humming your words with a melody of my own

There was a pounding in Bellamy's chest and he was jumping up and down with sweat running down his forehead. He had convinced someone to play Arctic Monkeys and at the moment _Old Yellow Bricks_ was playing. He was in the middle of a living room turned dance floor and around him were all of his friends. Clarke was to his right, Finn was on his left and had an arm slung around his shoulders. In front of him he had Jasper and Monty doing some weird choreographed dance that looked like it took a lot of weed to come up with. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Raven move across the dance floor with a cup in each hand. She handed one to Clarke and then turned to Finn.

"I need to talk to you," she shouted over the music. Finn either didn't hear her, or decided to ignore her, cause he pulled Bellamy closer and jumped higher in the air while shouting along to the music. Raven had an irritated look on her face and her lips were pinched together. She grabbed at Finn's sleeve and tugged at it while repeating what she'd said. Clarke was watching the thing go down with concerned eyes and Bellamy wondered what was happening, but his mind was too hazy from the alcohol and weed he had consumed. Raven said something else Finn let go of Bellamy's shoulder with a heavy sigh vibrating through Bellamy's body. He followed Raven away from the crowd right when _Pretty Visitors_ started. Bellamy watched them disappear and then lit another joint.

He turned around to share it with Clarke when something distracted him. In the corner he saw his sister talking to a boy. She was smiling widely, sipping on a drink, and he had her hand on his waist. Bellamy put the joint between his lips and prepared to go over there. But he didn't have to. Octavia pushed herself off the wall and walked toward them. She paid no attention to the boy she had talked to "What are you doing here?" Bellamy shouted and she shrugged as she took a large swig of whatever she was drinking.

"I'm allowed to have fun, Bel," she answered and dropped her now empty mug on the floor. She swung her arms around Jasper and Monty and looked at both of them with a wicked smile. "So, are any of you losers ready to show me a good time?" she asked and laughed happily as they grinned and together lifted her up. "You know what will happen if you touch her," Bellamy called after them and Octavia shouted _'I love you, big brother'_ back. He watched them turn a corner before he turned around to face Clarke. She had a small smile on her face and she looked proud of him. It was a strange thing to notice.

Bellamy still wasn't used to them being alone. Not that they were alone per say, seeing as they were surrounded by people. But none of their friends were close by even though he could see Octavia, Jasper and Monty doing shots in the kitchen. So he did what he always did. He lost himself inside the music. He felt the rhythm of _R U Mine?_ and he smiled widely with his eyes closed and his head toward the sky. Bellamy knew the song by heart and shouted them for anyone that was listening. He opened his eyes and found Clarke next to him. He felt so alive. He grabbed Clarke's hands and raised them toward the sky, reaching them as high as they would go. Clarke laughed loudly and her eyes crinkled from the joy. They danced and screamed and laughed and smoked together and Bellamy wondered why he couldn't live his whole life like this.

It was interrupted however by Raven who came crashing into them. Bellamy lost his grip on Clarke and he was about to object when Raven grabbed Clarke's face and kissed her. Bellamy stopped dancing. Everything that existed to him was the sight of his two friends. His chest tightened and something awful clawed at him. Clarke pulled back slightly and whispered something in Raven's ear. Raven answered something that seemed to cement something between them cause Clarke returned the kiss once more. This time it was less of a mess and more gentle. As if it meant something. Bellamy took a drag of his joint and felt the sweetness turn to something bitter. His hands were shaking.

He felt a hand on his neck, curling into his hair and when he turned around he could see Finn, fucked out of his mind. The hand in his hair tugged and he felt his head fall backwards. Finn had a blank expression on his face and he was watching Clarke and Raven intently. Much like Bellamy he didn't seem to be happy about it. Something broke inside of him and he pulled Finn close. His mouth was chapped and dry, but Bellamy didn't care. He wasn't interested in sweet or romantic right now. Finn seemed to accept the fact and opened his mouth in response. They were almost the same height, but Bellamy still had to bend his neck slightly to fit perfectly against Finn's mouth.

The hand in his hair pulled him closer and Bellamy groaned at the pain that sparked in the back of his head. He wanted more of it. Without looking at Clarke or Raven he pulled back from Finn and started shoving him away from the dancing and all the people. Finn let him and when they walked past the kitchen Finn seemed to understand where they were going. He started to move faster, if not clumsier, and his hand found Bellamy's and he dragged him up the stairs. Bellamy slapped him on the ass to make him speed things the fuck up. When they were on the second floor he kicked up the first door he could find and they heard the shocked gasps of whoever was inside.

"Get the fuck out," Bellamy said and his voice was a rough growl. He saw the flicker of a long, messy braid and a pair of blue shorts before Finn slammed the door shut. His eyes were blurry but bright and he was watching Bellamy with a sort of slow, overly intent gaze. If Bellamy hadn't been so fucked up, and if Finn hasn't been out of his mind half of the time Bellamy could have imagined something more. But there wasn't time for that. All he wanted now was vicious, rough and empty.

"So, what the fuck are you waiting for?" Finn asked and it took Bellamy a while to understand that he had said it out loud. He took one short step and grabbed Finn by the chin. He didn't care if it was nice or pleasurable or even good. Under his feet he felt the beat to _I Wanna Be Yours_ and Bellamy wondered if someone was trying to play the soundtrack to his life but failing miserably. He tore at Finn's jacket and groaned when it wouldn't come off. Finn laughed against his mouth and helped Bellamy find zippers and buttons and suddenly his hands were touching bare skin. He broke free from Finn's lips and touched wherever he could reach.

His lips found that they loved the hollow of Finn's throat. And that his hands wanted to rest against Finn's hips, or his hair, that was growing to be long again. Finn was breathing heavily against his ear and the thought that he held all this power over someone made his heart pound like crazy. He pushed Finn away from him long enough to get his shirt over his head. Finn's eyes raked hungrily over his body and suddenly Bellamy found himself on his back. Finn was straddling him and Bellamy moaned loudly when Finn's hips met his.

"You know, you look so pretty like this," Finn mumbled quietly and Bellamy growled at the words. He wanted it to hurt, not be comforted by sweet words. Finn only laughed and caressed Bellamy's arms. Hands were locked tight on his wrists and they were raised above his head. "Sorry, Bel, but you're not in charge here," Finn whispered sweetly before biting softly at his bottom lip. Bellamy groaned lowly and was embarrassed that it sounded more like a impatient whine than anything else. Finn seemed unfazed by it and only let the hand not keeping his arms in check search its way down his body. It pressed down against the front of Bellamy's pants and he unwillingly buckled up. "Now, I want you to lay perfectly still for me," was breathed against his mouth and Finn waited until Bellamy had acknowledged his words before letting go of his hands.

Finn got off the bed and quickly pulled of his pants and Bellamy had to use every ounce of strength in his body to not get off the bed when he saw that Finn wasn't wearing any underwear. Finn hummed his appreciation and got back on the bed. He fumbled slightly with Bellamy's jeans but determination had always been one of Finn's stronger character traits. Bellamy almost punched Finn in the throat when he leaned down and kissed every inch of skin he could reach. "Fucking just..." Bellamy growled and Finn looked up at him with mischievous eyes. "Yes, just do what?" he asked and his voice was so dark and full with intent it sent shivers down Bellamy's spine. Bellamy felt rage, lust and confusion swirl inside of him and it made everything unfocused. Finn seemed to realise this and only told him that _it's okay, I know_. Bellamy wanted to ask what he knew, but then Finn's mouth was on him again and he couldn't bother himself to care.

He lost himself to the sensations like he lost himself in music and he couldn't tell his body from Finn's, but he knew that it was safe where he was. He wondered why they didn't let themselves do this more often. He wondered if he'd think the same in the morning.

He came to a while later and felt Finn's hair caress his mouth and he blew on it slightly to be able to breathe. They were still in the unknown bed, sticky and sweaty and Finn's heart was still pounding against his ribcage. He raised himself on his forearms and looked for his clothes. The room was dark except for the small amount of light pouring through the window.

"We should get back down," he said hoarsely and Finn hummed in agreement. They rolled out of bed and on unsteady legs began to pull and tug at their clothes. Bellamy never knew how to act after sex, found it to be too awkward to talk about ordinary things so he chose to stay quiet. Just before they opened the door Finn tugged at the neck of Bellamy's shirt and pulled him down for a short, but good, kiss. The he was out the door and it was left to Bellamy to stumble after him.

 

When they came down the party was still going but they found their friends sitting outside on the porch smoking and sharing a few leftover beers.

"Hey," Jasper cheered lazily when he saw them. "You took your sweet time."

Monty laughed with a cigarette in his mouth and Raven refused to look at them. Bellamy suddenly wondered if he should feel bad, but the vicious part of him said no. Clarke smiled at him, but it was shorter than usual. "Nice shirt," she said tightly and when Bellamy looked down he realised he was wearing Finn's shirt. He shrugged casually while he felt a blush warm his neck. He looked around the group and frowned slightly.

"Where's Octavia?" he asked and felt anxiety rip at him when no one answered at once. He looked demandingly at Jasper and Monty, who sunk deeper into the fancy garden chairs they had been cosying it up in.

"I don't know, man, we haven't seen her for a while," Monty said and Jasper agreed. "She said she was getting some air, said she felt hot, and then she never came back. We figured she found someone to talk to... Or something."

Bellamy wasn't listening. He ran back into the house and stumbled through the crowd, desperate to see a glimpse of his sister. He felt panic grab ahold of him when she was nowhere to be found and he bolted up the stairs and started tearing doors open. The last door he opened was in the furthest end of the house. It seemed to be the master bedroom and he saw the same brown haired boy that had been talking to Octavia earlier that night push someone up against the wall. The figure in question was pushing weakly at him and Bellamy had never been more terrified in his life.

He took two long strides and grabbed the kid by the hair and threw him on the ground. Octavia's face appeared in front of him and the fear was replaced by white hot anger. He turned around and attacked. He was on top of the _fucking idiot_ and struck. He pulled punch after punch and didn't care that his hands hurt. The animal under him hit his face, but that only gave him more reason to keep going. He wanted to wound, to maim, to make this fucking scum of a person pay for what he had almost done to his sister. He felt something break under him but he just kept going.

"Bellamy!"

He snapped out of his frenzy and his eyes met Octavia's. Here eyes were wide with fear and Bellamy felt something inside him break. He crawled up to where she had slid to the ground and he pulled her close. "You're okay," he wheezed. "It's okay, _you're okay_. I'm here. I'm _so sorry_." Quiet sobs vibrated against his shoulder and he felt her grab Finn's shirt in a tight grip. The other hand came up to rest on his face and it was only then Bellamy noticed that he was crying.

"Where were you," she whispered brokenly and Bellamy had no excuse, had no reason good enough for why he wasn't there to protect his sister. He pulled her up off the floor and winced when he saw his bloody hands. They seemed like they should belong to someone else. He wrapped his arm around Octavia lead her out from the room. The rest of their group was waiting outside and they were watching with wide eyes and scared mouths and silence. Bellamy shielded Octavia from their eyes and led her down the stairs without a word to his friends. He grabbed someones coat from a hanger in the hallway and wrapped it around Octavia. Then they were outside and together they walked home.


	5. I'm mouthing the words to a song that you wrote

Someone was screaming. Bellamy's eyes flew open and he was out of bed in an instant. He stumbled through his room and Bellamy threw up the door across from him. In the bed Octavia was crying and trashing in her bed and he rushed up to her. "Hey, hey, hey," he said and wrapped his arms around her. "O, you're okay. It's just me, it's Bel, I'm here!" Octavia looked up at him with tears running down her cheeks.

"Bel?" she said brokenly and Bellamy smiled slightly. He reached out a hand and wiped the tears from her face. "It's just me," he repeated and she fell into his arms. Her hands tangled into Finn's t-shirt, which Bellamy hadn't had the strength to change out of, and she wouldn't let go. Bellamy hushed her with a pained look on his face and hid his face in her hair so she wouldn't see his face.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed. "I'm so sorry I shouldn't have-"

"Hey, hey," Bellamy said loudly and pulled back. "None of this was your fault." He clasped her face and saw the stark contrast of his bruised hands against her pale face. "You didn't do _anything_ wrong, O. It was that guy's fault, he did this _not_ you."

"I shouldn've fought back," she whispered. "But I couldn't, I couldn't move, Bel. It was as if I was paralyzed. Everything was _so_ blurry."

"You were drugged," Bellamy said voice rough with realisation and blinked his eyes free from tears. He clenched his fists to feel the pain once more. "Don't... This wasn't your fault. I should've been there." He tried to free himself from the guilt he felt, but the more he tried the worse it got.

His voice must've given something away because Octavia pulled pack and shook her head slowly. "It wasn't your fault, Bel," she whispered and caressed his face with slow, sluggish movements. "Murphy, he- he waited until he knew I wouldn't be able to..." She closed her eyes violently. "I should have known," she said. "Guy was a fucking creep from the start."

Bellamy hushed her once again and tried not to punch his hand through the wall now that he had a name to put with the face. Octavia needed him more than he needed to let out his rage. "Let's just get you to sleep," he said shakily and tried to get her hand to let go of his, Finn's, t-shirt, but her grip wouldn't budge. He looked at Octavia questioningly and she bit her lip in unease. 

"Can you... stay?" she asked quietly. "Just for a little while?"

Bellamy nodded without a single thought and eased himself down on Octavia's small bed. He fitted her against the length of his body and wrapped his arm around her. They had used to do this when they were younger and Octavia had had a nightmare. Bellamy would crawl into her bed and tell her that she didn't have to be afraid cause he would kill every demon that wanted to get her. And as long as he was there she didn't have to be afraid.

Octavia sighed contently and snuggled closer. "Sing for me," she said softly and Bellamy huffed out a small laugh. "You think you can just lure me in here and make me sing?" he asked in faked annoyance and Octavia poked him in the ribs and smiled when he let out a breathy laugh.

"Do it," she said, "Or I'll tickle you until you beg for mercy." She poked him once more for good measure.

"Fine, I'll do it," Bellamy groaned with a laugh on his lips. "I said _fine_! Which one would you want to hear?"

Octavia looked up at him with a small smile. Her eyes were still blank and that made them shimmer from the moonlight that shone into her room. "You know which one," she said and Bellamy nodded quietly. He started humming against her hair and smiled when he felt her relax against him. He sang softly for her until he was sure she was asleep and then closed his eyes.

-

Bellamy woke to the doorbell ringing. He rolled out of Octavia's bed and landed softly on the worn out carpet. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he walked across the floor and up to the front door. Outside was Finn. He smiled crookedly when he saw Bellamy and scratched the back of his head when he saw Bellamy's wrinkled shirt and bed tousled hair.

"Hi," he said finally and Bellamy gave him a rough ' _hello_ ' back. "How are you? You haven't been in school for a few days."

"Yeah, Octavia's been sick," he said. They both knew it was a lie, and a bad one at that, but Finn nodded anyway.

His eyes raked over Bellamy and Bellamy couldn't help but shift awkwardly under his gaze. He watched Finn take in his black and blue face and the way his face shifted from worry into slight satisfaction when they traveled over Bellamy's throat and collar bones, and then back to worry when he saw the state of Bellamy's hands. "Bel-" he breathed out and grabbed one hand in his own. Bellamy hissed in pain and Finn looked up in apology. His hands were a mess. His knuckles were bruised and were turning a sickly yellow colour. They stretched down to the back of his hand and his fingers were swollen and useless for just about everything.

"Your hands," Finn said dumbly as he twisted and turned them to take in the injuries. Bellamy shrugged.

"I guess we're lucky I'm not the one that has to play guitar," he said and felt a sense of victory when he saw Finn smile. 

"Yeah, I guess," he replied and let go of Bellamy's hand. His faint smile faded when his eyes met Bellamy's once again and he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, you know," he said and Bellamy felt his blood run cold. "I know you blame yourself for what happened and I just wanted you to know that it's not. No one thinks that, at least of all Octavia, if I know her right."

Bellamy nodded and felt unease creep up on him. He shifted his stance in the doorway and rubbed the back of his head while he thought of what he could say. He found that there wasn't much he could say to make himself feel better. "So.. what happened with you and Raven?" he asked instead. Finn had the decency to look embarrassed as he scrunched up his face and squinted at Bellamy.

"I... might have fucked up things with Raven. Greatly." he said and Bellamy huffed loudly, "Fuck you," Finn retorted with a smile. "Apparently I forgot that we'd been together for five months and then when she asked me about it I told her that I didn't want to date her anymore. Told her I wanted to be friends..." He leaned against the bannister and looked at Bellamy with a solemn look. "I shouldn't have dated her for as long as I did," he said matter-of-factly, but there was a slight twinge of regret colouring his words. "We're better off as friends. I just wished I wouldn't have had to hurt her in the process of figuring this out." He sounded sad and Bellamy remembered all the times they'd had had big sleepovers at Finn's because Raven's mother was drunk. No matter how strong Raven was now she had always seemed so small.

Finn leaned forward and stole a quick kiss from him. When he pulled back Bellamy looked at him in confusion and Finn smiled the way he did when he knew something was a bad idea, but couldn't help but do it anyway. "When we're lonely, right?" he said and Bellamy felt his mouth turn up into a involuntarily smile.

"Right," he replied and tugged at the hem of Finn's shirt. His mind flickered for a brief moment to Clarke and he wondered what she thought of him now, if he could see how weak his resolve was. Finn said goodbye and Bellamy watched him walk with light steps down the street, until he was out of sight. He walked in and closed the door behind him. Octavia was peeking out from her room with her covers around her. Her hair was all over the place, but Bellamy could still see the faint bruising around her throat. She didn't look pleased.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" she asked him and Bellamy once again felt like everyone knew something he didn't.

"Probably not," he replied and Octavia's mouth formed a thin line.

"You're an idiot," she said and walked back into her room, leaving Bellamy alone in the hallway.


	6. Can we skip the bridge and go straight for the chorus?

Things were... weird. There really wasn't any other way to explain it. Everything was off. The band had rehearsed once in three weeks and Bellamy was climbing the walls. He had written sixteen new songs and he had no one to play them with. Octavia had thrown herself into her training after what happened and was barely around anymore. Raven refused to talk to Finn and when she chose to talk to Bellamy her responses were short and tense. Clarke spent all her time with Raven, which wasn't strange seeing as they were friends, but Bellamy missed her company. Jasper and Monty were stuck somewhere in between. His days were filled with awkward silences and tangling his feet around Finn's under the lunch table. As well as working his ass off at the record store, where he had managed to get a job to save up some money.

Finn came by when he wasn't working and he used to sit next to the cashier's desk, flipping through the stacks of newly released CD's. They'd talk about everything besides the fact that their group of friends were slowly falling apart.

Clarke came over once after the party, but the whole thing was filled with pained silences and awkward pauses and Clarke looked disappointed in him. He wanted to ask her if she was mad at him, but didn't know how. She never said anything and Bellamy wondered if their fragile friendship would survive this. He hoped so. If not for him, then for the band. She was too good a player to let go. He played her one of his songs and she got a pained expression on her face after he was done. She left pretty soon after that.

His nights were filled with spending time with Finn in his bed and Octavia banging on his door, telling him to shut up. Sex with Finn was easy. It didn't make him over think things and it wasn't complicated. Everything else was.

-

Three weeks after the party they had their monthly movie night and everyone gathered at Monty's house. Things were tense at first, but after an hour of pouring beer down their throats they were starting to relax. When Bellamy was passing around joints Raven was one of the first people to snap one from the grasp of his fingers and he gave her a small smile, which she almost returned. He was suddenly really sorry for how everything had gone down. He missed his friend.

Clarke was sitting in a big armchair in front of him and when he met her gaze she smiled at him, the way she used to. Lovely, with just a hint of irritation. Bellamy felt his heart swell. Something must have shown on his face, because she rolled her eyes and nodded her head toward the TV to make him focus on the rather horrible romantic comedy they were currently watching.

When the movie ended Finn jumped up from his place beside Bellamy on the couch to pick the next movie. Jasper jumped up from where he had been snuggling with Monty and let out a loud 'whoop'. "Seventeen again," Jasper sing-songed while spinning around, "I feel like I'm seventeen again" and everyone stopped whatever they were doing to look at him in confusion.

"Jasper, you are aware that you've been seventeen for the past 10 months, right?" Raven asked amused, and Jasper stopped his improvised dance and looked at them through his party goggles he had brought out for the night.

"I know," he said and pulled them up on top of his head, "But everyone's been acting so weird lately and it's nice to see us all have fun again." There was a long, awkward pause. Jasper, too high to fully understand what he had dragged up once more, swallowed the remaining contents of his beer. Raven's mouth was a thin line and she got up from her arm chair and exited the living room. Finn, Clarke and Bellamy was up on their feet but Bellamy motioned for the other's to sit down.

"I got it," he said and frowned when Clarke looked at him with a sceptic look on her face. "What?" he asked, "I said I got it." He followed Raven and found her out on the balcony, fumbling with a lighter. "Here," he said and covered the flame to keep it alive. She lit her cigarette and eyed Bellamy as he fished out his own.

"I'm not mad, you know," she said and pushed her hair out of her face. "I just... I got used to it, I guess. That it was me and Finn." She looked at him through a cloud of smoke and Bellamy thought he saw something like tears line her eyes, but when the smoke cleared her eyes was dry. "I just needed to clear my head, I'm sorry I was a dick about it." 

Bellamy stared at her for a long time before shaking his head in confusion. "A dick? Raven, what the fuck? You were hurt. _I'm_ sorry. I know Finn could've handled it all a lot better and I certainly didn't help. You had every right to be angry." He smiled slightly at her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "I've missed you," he said as he pulled her close. "Next time, just punch us both in the face or something." Raven let out a huff, but it sounded more like she was covering up a smile than irritation, so he counted it as a win.

Raven pulled back and sat down on one of the garden chairs with her legs dangling a few inches above the ground. Bellamy was leaning against the wall and watched the smoke from his cigarette trail toward the sky. He could see Raven's feet bounce rapidly in the corner of his eye. 

"You know he's in love with you, right?" she snapped and Bellamy choked on the smoke filling his lungs. He looked at her for confirmation that this was all just an elaborate joke, but her eyes were serious and her mouth was tense.

"Fuck off," he said with a snort and took another drag of his cigarette. He looked at her again and now she looked irritated.

"I'm not joking, Bellamy. What did he tell you was the reason we broke up?" When he didn't answer Raven let out a bitter laugh and put out her cigarette before lighting a new one. "He didn't say anything, did he? Fucking Finn." She flickered her cigarette and it traveled like dust through the air. She jumped off the chair and out the cigarette between her lips. Her hair was blowing slightly in the breeze and she pulled it behind her ear. "You're both idiots," she sighed. "But you're my best friends. And if you do anything to hurt Finn-"

"I won't," Bellamy replied immediately but backed up when he saw Raven's murderous gaze. "I mean, I... I'll try not to. I will try my hardest not to."

"Good," Raven replied and punched him lightly in the arm. "'Cause I can't stand the thought of us not being friends." Bellamy felt claws of worry tear at his chest and to rid himself of the anxiety he let out an 'aw' and pulled her in for a hug. "That'll never happen Reyes," he said and kissed her forehead. "You're my girl." He felt her smile against his chest.

They joined the others just as the guy got the girl or the hero saved the city or whatever was happening in the movie they were watching. Bellamy took his seat next to Finn and instinctively leaned in when Finn wrapped an arm around him. Raven's words echoed in his head and he tilted his head to study Finn closer. He was enraptured with the movie and it took him a while to notice that Bellamy was staring. He turned his head and looked at Bellamy through hooded eyes.

"What?" he whispered and Bellamy could feel puffs of air tickle his skin. He watched the fondness seep into Finn's eyes and he felt something ache inside him. He blinked once and shook his head. "Nothing," he said with a small smile. Finn shrugged and turned his head toward the TV again. Bellamy fiddled with the hem of Finn's shirt and tried not to burst out of his seat.

When the movie was done Clarke got up from the armchair and told everyone that she had to go home. They booed loudly and Monty threw popcorn at her for good measure. Bellamy looked at his phone and jumped up. "I have to work tomorrow," he said and they booed once more. He rolled his eyes and called out to Clarke, who was in the hallway putting on her coat. "You wanna walk home together?" he asked, "I'll be a real gentleman, I promise."

She pursed her lips and pretended to think about it for a while before nodding with a smile.

"I guess, but I have to be home in fifteen," she replied. "So if you're gonna do that you'll have to hurry."

"Oh, no problem. Should I try to catch up with you, or will you wait?" he asked and the small smile faded from her face. "Yeah, I'll wait," she said quietly.

"Awesome," he said and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before running back to say goodnight the others. He finally felt as if things were returning to normal.


	7. I could really use some vocals to back me up

Tensions eased up in the days to follow. When they met at school when the weekend was over Raven and Finn came together, which earned them a cry of joy from both Monty and Jasper, as well as a relieved sigh from Clarke and Bellamy. Raven came up to him and when she saw his goofy smile she punched him lightly in the arm. He wrapped and arm around her neck and dragged her down the corridor with loud protests echoing off the walls. He pulled her all the way to their bio class and didn't let go until she threatened bodily harm. They didn't say anything, but both of them could feel the relief vibrating through their bodies. Bellamy felt as if a weight had been lifted from his chest.

They all spent the rest of the day in a good mood and decided that they would meet up that evening at Bellamy's to practice, something they hadn't done in a while. Bellamy felt like dancing, but didn't seeing as his friends would never let him live it down. Finn asked if he could stay the night and Bellamy nodded with a smile. He hadn't asked Finn if any of the things Raven had told him was true. He probably should, but he was weak and liked his life as it was at the moment.

-

When Bellamy got to work that afternoon his boss sent him into the back to sort through the newly arrived records. He spent almost two hours categorizing and stacking records and when he got back out in the store the first thing he saw was Clarke flipping through the LP section in the far corner. He walked up to her and as if she knew he was there she turned around and beamed at him.

"You've got some good stuff here," she said and waved an old rolling stones record in the air. Bellamy nodded quietly and watched as she carefully put the record to the side, probably to look at more thoroughly later, and with gentle fingers she started to look through the stack again. Bellamy was intrigued by the way she would patiently look at every cover for a good ten seconds before moving on to the next, as if she was savouring each impression she got from it. Bellamy never had the time to really look, seeing as he was at work, but he liked watching her appreciate the music. It made him feel like he was imposing, but he couldn't tear his eyes away form her.

"You haven't been here before. At least not while I'm working."

She ducked her head and smiled slightly. "Yeah, I know," she said casually as she picked up another record. "I was in the 'taking sides' part of a break up. Anyways, I felt it was time." Bellamy laughed and winced inwardly when he heard how awkward it sounded. He scratched the back of his head and watched the stack of records on her left grow. They shared small talk for a while until Clarke had gone through every cd there was. She turned to Bellamy with the records in her arms and a thoughtful expression on her face.

"I think I'll take these." 

Bellamy grinned and held out his hand. "M'lady." Clarke rolled her eyes and with a faint blush placed her hand in Bellamy's. He lead her over to the register and started ringing up her purchase. His hands got a hold of one of the records near the end and when he saw what it was he stopped. "This one is my favourite record of all time," Bellamy said and thumbed at the title.

"I know," Clarke replied and Bellamy looked up from the record in thinly veiled surprise. "You do?" he asked and she shrugged but didn't offer an explanation. She paid for her purchase and after that an awkward silence settled over them. It was as if they weren't sure if Clarke should stick around now that she had gotten what she came for, or if she should leave. Bellamy didn't know what to do with his hands.

In the end Jim, Bellamy's boss, decided for them. "Look, kid, I know you're busy breaking hearts left and right but you're needed here. At the place you work."

Bellamy blushed profoundly and looked at Clarke, who tried her hardest to not sink through the floor. "I'll see you later," she whispered and then she was gone. Jim came up next to him and watched the closed door. A hand clamped down on his shoulder and Jim's voice boomed in his ear.

"That one likes you, big time."

Bellamy hid in the storage until his shift ended.

-

He got home later than he had planned and as he walked up to the garage he could hear the muffled bass vibrate against the door. He opened the door and when he got in he saw all his friends already playing enthusiastically. They were playing some top 40's pop song and Bellamy frowned in confusion as to why they would ever play a song like that. It was soon answered when he took a step further into the garage and saw Octavia with a microphone in her hand. She was singing the lyrics as well as she could and she spun around in the middle of the room with a wide smile on her face. Everyone was captivated by her as she moved around the room.

Bellamy felt his face soften into a small smile and he couldn't tear his eyes away from his sister. He hadn't seen her look so carefree and happy in weeks. She saw him hide in the corner and waved him over with a wide grin plastered on her face. "Come on, Bel," she shouted over the music, "I know you know it!" He shook his head in amusement and dropped his bag on the ground. He made his way to her and automatically wrapped an arm around her. His thumb stroked over her shoulder as he clasped his other hand over hers on the microphone. With a heavy sigh he sang the first line of the second verse and everyone cheered at him. Octavia jumped up and down against him and he couldn't help but laugh. 

-

They were leaning against their respective doorways a couple of hours later. Octavia had been with them their entire practice and pretty much ruined any chance they had of getting through their songs, but they'd had fun.

"I'm happy you're feeling better," he said against the top of her head and she smiled tiredly. "I'm tired of being sad," she said and Bellamy felt his heart clench. He nodded in understanding and Octavia turned around to walk into hers.

"I love you," he said quickly and Octavia gave him a smile. "I love you, big brother," she replied and then the door closed. Bellamy swallowed and backed into his own room and closed the door. Finn was already underneath the covers and he hissed lowly as Bellamy's cold feet touched his. Bellamy reached out his arm and let Finn rest his head against his shoulder. It was habit by now. They didn't say anything, but Finn's breath on his throat carried him to sleep within minutes.


	8. The drum beats you out of turn

The air was buzzing around Bellamy as he took a long look around the filled hall. People were everywhere and on either side of him was Finn and Clarke. They were waiting for Octavia to fight her next match. She had already won one against a pretty girl named Roma, who limped away with a bloody nose and two broken toes. Bellamy was proud to say that he made it through the game with only covering his eyes twice. They had been watching the other games for about an hour and Bellamy was starting to get remarkably bored. As bored as you could be while watching two people beat each other up, he supposed.

Finn elbowed him in the side and said excitedly, "Look, she's up."

Bellamy sat up straighter in his seat and saw Octavia bounce down the aisle. She winked at him as she passed and Bellamy stuck out his tongue at her to show that he was alright. She hit him with her glove over his head and then she was up in the cage.

Her opponent, someone he'd never heard of before, was a tall girl with a tense set to her jaw. Bellamy didn't like the emptiness in her eyes, and the familiar sense of worry started to creep up on him. Octavia had told him she was a champion as well, and that this was a game she had been training for for months. Bellamy didn't have to ask to know that she was nervous. She had barely been able to eat that morning.

The opponent was introduced as Anya, and the roar from the crowd was almost as loud as for Octavia. Bellamy saw Octavia shake her body to loosen up, and then the game was on. She fought well, always did, but Bellamy thought there was something sloppy about how she moved. She didn't finish her moves and there was an edge in her eyes that didn't fit how she usually fought. A quick glance at Lincoln told him he was right. He was shouting at Octavia to focus, to step it up, and Octavia shook her head to try and focus. Bellamy wondered what made was wrong. She had seemed fine minutes ago.

"Something's wrong," he said to his friends and both Finn and Clarke looked at him in confusion. That's when it happened.

Everything around Bellamy ceased to exist, everything he saw was Octavia falling in slow-motion to the floor. Anya was standing in front of her with a pleased smirk on her face and she didn't even flinch as Octavia hit the floor with a loud bang. The judge was down next to Octavia and started to count in a loud voice. He pointed at Anya to show her as the winner and Anya raised her hands in victory.

Octavia didn't move.

Bellamy was on his feet as paramedics ran into the cage to check on her. He was shoved from side to side as he grasped the net of the ring, desperate to see what was going on. Blood was pouring from a wound in Octavia's head and her hair was dark and stick where she lay on the floor. Lincoln was at her side and he could hear him call out Octavia's name multiple times, but to no avail.

"Lincoln," Bellamy screamed, "What's happening?" Lincoln looked up at him, but only shook his head and then the paramedics lifted her up on a stretcher and before Bellamy could react they were carrying her out through a door and then she was gone. Bellamy's world tilted sideways and he had trouble breathing. He felt a hand in his hair and all of a sudden Finn was supporting his weight as his knees gave out.

"I got you," Finn breathed in his ear and Clarke was in front of him and grasped his face in her hands. She wiped away the tears he hadn't known were spilling from his face and whispered comforting words that seemed to evaporate against his chest.

"Bellamy, Bellamy look at me!" The words were hard and pierced through his panic and with blurry eyes he locked eyes with Clarke.

"You need to calm down," she said clearly. "Octavia is a strong girl, she will get through this, but you need to go and find her right now. You got it?"

He nodded vigorously and felt cold when both Clarke and Finn let go of him. He took a deep breath, cast a glance to his left and felt his heart clench up when he saw the blood on the floor where Octavia had lain. Fresh tears fell from his eyes and he needed to see Octavia, now! He was just about to chase after her when an alarm went off in his head and he turned to his friends.

"My mother," he sobbed, "I have to call her, she needs to know. I need to-"

"I'll call her," Clarke said calmly, but her eyes were terrified and wet, more than she wanted to let on. "You just take care of Octavia. We'll call her."

Bellamy nodded frantically and dashed for the locker rooms. A guard tried to stop him, but a loud and wet ' _she's my sister_ ' got him through with a pat on the back and Bellamy ran through the corridors in a desperate search for Octavia. He found Lincoln standing in a doorway, and his face was lit up by blue flashing lights. He gave Bellamy 

"Only one of you can ride in the ambulance," a gruff paramedic said.

"She's my sister," Bellamy sobbed and took a step forward, just as Lincoln said "I'm her trainer". The paramedic raised his eyebrows at the two and repeated what he'd said before. "Only one of you."

"She's my sister," Bellamy pleaded and before Lincoln could move to the side he snuck around him and was in the ambulance. He choked back a sob when he saw Octavia laying on the stretcher with blood still fresh on her face. She had on a neck brace and wasn't moving. He sunk down next to her and tried to ignore her pale face and the red blood that stood in a stark contrast to it. A different paramedic than the one he had been talking to before jumped in next to him and he tried to ignore her as best as he could.

"Hi, O," he whispered brokenly and grasped her small hand in his. He couldn't say anything else, afraid of what might spill out. He rubbed his thumb across the roof of her hand and tried to stay out of the paramedics way as much as possible. He didn't say another word the entire ride, and when they arrived at the hospital they lifted Octavia  
out of the ambulance and inside the hospital so fast that Bellamy had trouble keeping up. He tried to follow them, but then there was a hand on his chest and a ' _no further than this, sir._ ' and he watched helplessly as they drove her down the corridor.

And all he could do was wait.

-

Thirty minutes later Clarke and Finn came down the other end of the corridor. Bellamy had his head against the wall and his eyes were closed, weary from all the waiting and lack of information. A doctor had come out once to tell him that they were doing a brain scan to check for damage and after that Bellamy kinda zoned out. He startled when he felt a gentle touch on his shoulder. He opened his eyes and saw Clarke give him a small smile. He rubbed his eyes and checked his watch for what felt like the thousandth time.

"No news?" Finn asked tightly and Bellamy's eyes snapped up to him. He shook his head and Finn's lips pressed together in a tight grimace. "She'll be fine," Clarke said confidently and Bellamy admired her strength. All he could think of was how young she had looked when she was laying on the stretcher. He got up from his seat and winced when he felt his legs getting used to stand up again. 

"I just feel so fucking helpless," Bellamy said and felt salt line his eyes once more. A second later he was buried in Finn's arms and he felt the comfort of Clarke's hand on his back. He pulled himself free and cleared his throat loudly. "Where's mum?"

Both Clarke and Finn looked awkwardly at him and he felt the familiar sense of anger seep into his veins. "Where is she?" he asked lowly and watched as Clarke bit her lip. His eyes followed the movement a touch too long and he tore his eyes away from her to let them land on Finn. Finn was safe. Safer.

"We don't know," he replied and Bellamy felt a stone sink in his stomach. "We tried your house and the diner, but we couldn't find her. We even got her number form the manager, but she never answered."

Bellamy shook his head. "Her daughter is in the hospital and she does this," he muttered to himself, not bothering to explain what 'this' was. That wasn't for his friends to know. That was something he kept to himself.

"Mr Blake?" a voice interrupted his thoughts and he spun around and came face to face with the doctor he had talked with before.

"Is she okay?" he whispered quietly and his hand found Clarke's. He held on tightly.

"Miss Blake has a concussion. There's some swelling to the brain and we would like to keep her here over night to monitor her." The doctor's voice was dispassionate, but kind. "She will be fine with some time. You can go visit her now." Bellamy felt the tension in his shoulders ease up and he felt like he could breathe again. He nodded toward the doctor and followed him down the corridor, then into a new one, and another. Finally they stopped in front of a door and the doctor, Dr Jackson he could see on his name tag, turned around.

"Now, there's only immediate family allowed, so your friends will have to stay outside." Bellamy barely heard him, only opened the door and walked inside.

His sister was laying in the bed, too posed for it to be natural. He walked up and sat down next to her. Bellamy reached out and grasped her hand, as he had done in the ambulance. "You're so stupid, " he said, knowing that he never could tell her this if she was awake. "Do you know how scared you made me? " He squeezed her hand tightly and watched her chest rise and fall with every breath she took. "How do you think I would've felt if something had happened to you, if this wasn't the worst thing that happened? Don't ever do anything like this again."

He let out a shaky breath and rested his head against the bed. When he woke up he felt a hand caress his hair and when he looked up he saw Octavia smile at him.

"You're such a fucking loser," she said hoarsely and Bellamy felt so relieved he burst out crying.


	9. Four silent beats makes a break and that's just what we need

Things after that became very hectic. Bellamy lived in the hospital during the two days Octavia was made to stay, much to his sister's dismay. Or, she pretended to whenever he was around, but Bellamy didn't care. He wasn't able to breathe properly when she wasn't at home stealing all his food or complaining about his clothes on the floor. She would bitch and moan at him when he irritated the nurses instead. But every night she would let him crawl down under the covers and she would fall asleep against his chest like she did when they were kids. He hummed _His sister's keeper_ against her temple and stroked her hair until her breathing evened.

He went home the second day to grab a quick shower and change out of his dirty clothes. His mother was nowhere to be found and the irritation he had felt the days before had now faded into a quiet itch. Someone had been in the house since last he was there though, because a coffee cup was knocked over on the table and a half eaten sandwich was next to it.

When he got back to the hospital and entered Octavia's room she was surrounded by flowers, teddy bears and endless amounts of candy. Jasper was sitting next to her bed and was throwing gummy bears into his mouth. Octavia was shoving candy into her mouth as if she was afraid it might be taken from her at any second. Bellamy leaned against the doorway and watched the scene unfold with hidden amusement.

"Hey, Bel," Octavia said when she saw him and propped more candy into her mouth, "Look at all this stuff Jasper brought me." Bellamy hummed lowly and felt quite satisfied when Jasper ducked his head.

"I was gonna see if we were practicing today," Jasper babbled and pushed more candy into his mouth, "And I figured you would be here so I thought, might as well come say hello to Octavia." Bellamy nodded slowly with an amused smile on his face and then pondered the question. 

"I don't know," he said slowly. "I don't think Octavia should be here alone..."

"I'm right here, you know," Octavia muttered and Bellamy gave her the finger to make her shut up. "That's rude," she whispered under her breath and ate a gummy worm with a big pout. "I don't know if I wanna leave her," Bellamy continued.

He stubbornly ignored Octavia, who was waving her hands in front of his face while calling out his name. Finally she tired of trying to get his attention and slumped back against the cushions. "I'll just call Lincoln, if you're that worried," she said and rolled her eyes fast enough for her to hurt her head, if the way she scrunched up her face was anything to go by. Bellamy squinted at her, trying to tell if she was lying or not. Her face betrayed nothing.

Bellamy sighed and nodded toward Jasper. "Fine, we'll practice," he said and motioned for Jasper to get out of his seat. Jasper jumped up and gave Octavia a sugary kiss on the cheek. Bellamy had to give points for boldness. A few weeks ago he couldn't even talk properly in her presence. He walked up to Octavia, gave her a kiss on the forehead and then he followed Jasper out of the room.

"Bel..." Her voice stopped him and he turned around to look at her one last time. She had a troubled look on her face. Bellamy shook his head. "I don't know where she is," he said honestly and he shoulders sunk. She nodded once and with a pained grimace he left the hospital.

-

A few weeks later they were all sitting in the cafeteria and they were in the midst of talking about a new song Monty had brought them. They were trying to translate Monty's weird handwriting, that frankly looked like a toddler's, and deciding how to arrange the song at the same time. They had been doing it for about twenty minutes and they were quickly losing focus. Raven was texting someone, Clarke was digging through her bag and Finn was doing something to Bellamy he'd rather not say out loud. And then there was Jasper.

"PROM!" Jasper yelled and smacked his hand on the table. His eyes were wide, as if he'd just found the answer to all of his problems. "We have to decide what we will do for prom. We have to do the complete opposite from whatever the losers on the committee have as a theme!"

An awkward silence spread throughout the group. "You... do know who’s on the committee, right Jasper?" Finn said with an amused smile as he trailed his hand up and down Bellamy's leg and tilted his head toward Clarke, who was watching Jasper with an bemused look on her face.

"Don’t worry, Clarke," Monty said and pulled Jasper down in his seat. "We’ll keep him in line." Clarke shook her head with a smile and studied them for a moment. Bellamy could see her eyes squint more and more as her gaze traveled from face to face and he wondered when it would click. "You’re gonna do the exact opposite of whatever I choose to do, aren’t you?" she asked and sighed when all of them started to object. 

" _What?_ We would never," Finn said loudly.

"How could you think that of us?" Raven said in offense.

"We know how much this means to you," Monty cried out.

"I was just gonna go as a tree," Jasper offered while chewing on a piece of candy.

Clarke looked helplessly at Bellamy, who shrugged his shoulders in amusement. “We will do the complete opposite of whatever you choose,” he agreed and she hit him square in the shoulder. He grinned at her and grabbed Finn's hand just before it got too close for comfort. At least in public. Finn snickered in his ear. The bell rung and Finn got up form his seat. "Later," he said lowly in Bellamy's ear and Bellamy hit the air after him as he left. He wrapped an arm around Raven, who was his date for that day's english lesson.

"Hey, Bellamy," Monty said and jogged up to him, "I was just wondering," he continued and Bellamy waved him off. "The song is great, Monty. Don't worry about it."

"Thanks," Monty replied, "But that's not what I was wondering." He paused and bit his lip while he thought over what he was about to say. "We're still fucking up prom right?" he rushed out and Bellamy paused in surprise before letting out a laugh.

"Monty," he said, "Clarke wouldn't forgive us if we didn't." Monty grinned relieved and hurried back to Jasper.

-

When he got home from work later that night he found Octavia huddled down on the couch in front of the TV. Their mother could be heard in the kitchen, but Bellamy paid her no mind. They hadn't spoken since she Octavia came home from the hospital and they found their mother drunk off her ass in the bathroom. He sat down next to her on the couch and lifted up her legs on his lap.

"How was things here today?" he said casually and Octavia shrugged. Her bruises had all faded away and her concussion was all over and done with. But she wasn't allowed to train for another week, which put a permanent frown to her face.

"Excruciatingly boring," she said and switched the channel. "You?"

Bellamy hummed noncommittally and watched as Helena or Elena or whatever she was called was drawn between the two _handsome_ male leads once again. "Finn might come over later," he said and Octavia huffed. "He's always over," she said and Bellamy could hear a mixture of irritation and amusement in her voice. "Can't you fuck at his place for once?"

Bellamy grabbed her legs and poked her in her waist until her she squirmed away with a smile on her lips. "Now, is that any way to talk yo your most favourite brother in the whole world?" Bellamy said and continued to tickle her.

"Fuck off, Bel," she said and laughed in pain, "I give in okay, I give in." Satisfied, Bellamy let her go and let her catch her breath for a few beats as she tried to find a comfortable position again. She threw a glance at him and frowned slightly. "What's up?"

Bellamy opened his mouth, closed it and opened it again. He didn't know how to phrase himself and wondered if he was reading the situation wrong or not. "Don't you like Finn?" he asked and Octavia let out a laugh in surprise. When Bellamy didn't chime in she paused and looked at him in confusion.

"What? For real?" she said and Bellamy shrugged. "I like him just fine," she said and that was a declaration of love when it came from Octavia. "I just think he's too good for you." Bellamy frowned and poked her in the leg.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he said and Octavia huffed.

"It means you're not a very good person," she replied and smiled sweetly at him, "Don't worry though, I still love you." Bellamy tried not to feel offended or hurt by his sister's words but was interrupted by a buzzing in his pocket. He fished out his phone and saw a text from Finn telling him he was outside. He got up from the couch and headed toward his room. 

"You know, sneaking him in through your window makes you neither cool nor rebellious," she called out after him and his only reply was a middle finger in her direction. "Yeah, very mature!" she yelled back.


	10. I lose myself in the tune of you

Finn broke up with Bellamy two weeks before prom.

It took Bellamy by surprise, though when he thought back on it he knew that he should have seen it coming. They hadn't spent any time together lately, except for when Finn snuck in through Bellamy's window at night. When they were together in school Finn was awkward and distant and chose to spend time with Raven on their own. Bellamy had tried to ask Raven what was wrong, but she had been a wall of silence and glares.

Which had left Bellamy to spend time with Clarke, who was in a constant state of panic over prom and planning and food and bands and dresses and a lot of other things Bellamy didn't really pick up on. Her room, which was twice the size of Bellamy's, was covered in mind maps, fabric choices and lists of everything you could need when you were planning to take over the world. Which Clarke must be doing seeing as Bellamy doubted you'd need five different menus and twelve optional dresses for prom. Bellamy didn't admit he liked seeing the passion she had. Tried to ignore what that meant, as well as he could. And failed spectacularly. He watched her franticly pace around her room with a fond smile on his face. She was in her right element when she had a project to finish and Bellamy knew it would end up being perfect. Until he and their friends ruined it for her, of course.

Finn picked him up at the crack of dawn, with the only warning being a text twenty minutes earlier, and taken him out to a field in the middle of nowhere. Then he proceeded to fuck Bellamy within an inch of his life. When they laid panting on the ground Finn handed him a joint and they smoked shoulder to shoulder for thirty minutes while Bellamy wondered when Finn was gonna tell him what was wrong.

After a while Finn sat up and bit the inside of his cheek like he always used to do whenever he was nervous or sad. Bellamy wondered what he was now. He had a feeling it was a bit of both.

"I don't think we should be doing... this anymore," Finn said and made a waving motion between the two of them. "It's better if we just end it."

Bellamy looked at Finn with thinly veiled surprise. "Why?" he asked and wondered if Finn thought he sounded as childish as Bellamy did.

"Because I'm in love with you," Finn said simply, though his lips wobbled as he said it. "And you don't love me. Not enough, anyway."

They didn't say anything for a long while after that and Bellamy cursed himself for not listening to Raven. And for being a lousy friend who was too wrapped up in himself than his friends. He was selfish, and now he had hurt one of the most important people in his life. The sun spread a warm light over them as it set high in the sky and out of the corner of his eye he saw Finn pull up clumps of grass and tear it to pieces in his hands, before throwing it to the side so he could start over. Birds chirped in the background and normally Bellamy would start feeling a melody and lyrics start writing itself in his mind, but today it was completely blank.

"If I don't do it now I'm never gonna do it," he said suddenly while looking at the ground. "And let's face it, you're never gonna do it. So I figured I'd save us both some heartache and time." He said it without looking at Bellamy and Bellamy felt sadder than he thought he would. "And I'd rather you be my friend than someone I can't stand looking at after you break my heart."

Bellamy felt something sour tear its way into his heart and it clawed at him until he couldn't take it anymore. He pulled Finn into a hard, bruising kiss and felt Finn whimper against his lips. He felt Finn's teeth against his lips and tasted blood in his mouth. Leaning his forehead against Finn's he whispered a low _I'm sorry_ and felt Finn shiver against him. When he pulled back Finn's eyes were blank and he coughed loudly before turning away from Bellamy.

"Yeah, so... we should head back," he said and started 

"We're... we're still friends right?" he asked and sounded brittle and small as he did. Finn's lips clamped down in a painful smile and he nodded shakily before pulling Bellamy to his feet.

"Yeah, fuck, yeah. Just... give me some time and it'll all go back to normal," he said.

 _But I don't want it to_ , Bellamy thought to himself, but kept the words in, knowing that Finn didn't want to hear them. He trailed after Finn to the car, got into the passenger seat and then they drove in silence the entire way back.

-

It was suffocating. Bellamy tugged at his bowtie and grimaced as Raven slapped away his hand. "It's fine, don't be a baby," she said and the look in her eyes made Bellamy put his hands up in surrender. They were all standing outside the gym, sans Clarke, who had been there hours before to set the finishing touches, and tried to build up the strength to go inside. The theme red carpet had them looking like mock version of aristocrats and Raven had complained over her high heels the whole way, even though they hadn't even been out of the car for more than two minutes.

Finn looked beautiful, Raven looked stunning, Monty looked handsome and Jasper looked like the cool, hippie actor who didn't want to look like he tried too hard. Meaning that he looked absolutely ridiculous. Bellamy tugged at his bow tie again.

"Might as well get this over with," he said and got a chorus of agreements. He pushed at the door and was welcomed with the worst music he had ever heard in his life. He stopped in the door opening with a horrified look on his face. Raven laughed, grabbed his hand and forced him to keep moving.

"Be strong," she called out to him and he shook his head in terror.

"I wish I was dead," he replied and got smacked over the head by Monty who told him to play nice.

They saw Clarke by the buffet table and quickly made their way over. She smiled widely at them when she noticed them and then screamed in happiness when they all crowded her and forced her into a big group hug. As they let her go Bellamy could see her entire appearance and felt his jaw drop. She was wearing a simple white dress with her hair pulled back in a bun, leaving a few curls framing her face. She looked absolutely radiant and Bellamy felt like an idiot when he realised how long he had been staring. He scratched the back of his head and took a quick look around the gym.

Clarke had done an amazing job. She had somehow made it look like... well, not a gym, which deserved a top grade in itself. Bellamy, who had seen her lists and ideas, hadn't been able to see the full picture, but he had to admit that he was both impressed and proud.

He turned to Clarke, who was chatting with Raven, and held out his hand.

"Care for a dance, princess?" he asked with a bow and Clarke laughed slightly at his antics before taking his hand.

"Of course, my noble knight," she replied.

"You look really beautiful," he said honestly and the blush that covered her cheeks had him smiling. Clarke mumbled out a thanks and let Bellamy lead her out on the dance floor. "Now, just a fair warning," he said, "I can't dance. At all." Clarke laughed and it quickly turned into a yelp as Bellamy spun her around too quickly.

"I'll keep that in mind," she said and put a hand on his shoulder. She looked at him expectantly and Bellamy coughed quietly and let his hand wrap around her back, before it came to rest low on her back. He pulled her closer and together they began to sway to the music pouring out from the speakers while Bellamy tried to keep his feet off Clarke's toes. A new song started and he smiled brilliantly at Clarke when he heard what it was.

"They're playing Arctic Monkeys," he said and Clarke smiled with an exaggerated roll of her eyes.

"Of course," she said. "I'm not completely tasteless in my choice in music, you know. Besides," she added, "did you really think I was gonna let you go an entire evening without some good music?" He laughed and pulled her in for a hug. He lifted her off the ground and spun her around until he felt like he was gonna fall over. He lost track over how many songs played, he just kept holding on to Clarke and figured she'd tell him when she was satisfied.

Monty and Jasper salsa'ed past them and Monty suspiciously said _project dragonfly is in motion_ before they disappeared in the crowd. Clarke raised an eyebrow at him and Bellamy tried to look as innocent as possible as they kept moving from side to side. "What's project dragonfly?" she asked and grasped Bellamy's hand tighter as they did a spin. "Is it something I should be aware of?"

"No, no way, I have no idea what he's talking about," Bellamy rambled and looked anywhere but into Clarke's eyes. "He's always saying weird stuff, you know. Nothing to worry about." He cast a quick glance at her, saw that he wasn't being convincing at all, and gave her a sweet smile. Clarke sighed, but it was laced with amusement.

"Go," Clarke said as she rolled her eyes and Bellamy flashed her a grin before running after his friends. They snuck out of the gym and into the boys locker rooms. They made sure the door was locked and quickly stripped down to the bath shorts and bikini they were wearing underneath. Bellamy sighed in relief when he removed the bow tie and threw it over his shoulder, not really caring where it landed. They pulled out a big duffle bag that they had stashed there earlier that day. Each of them pulled out a big water gun filled with the cheapest vodka they could find. Then they put on colourful balaclavas, made out of old beanies they found at Monty's, quietly laughing at how ridiculous they looked.

"Huddle up," Jasper yelled and everyone formed a small circle.

"Okay," Jasper said and pulled down his goggles. "We've been preparing for this moment for our entire lives..."

"Ten minutes," Monty muttered.

"... and I'm sure that all of you are feeling the pressure right now. But let me assure you that you all were born to do this." Bellamy wondered if Jasper had a constant soundtrack playing in his mind and if what he heard right now was the theme to _Braveheart_. "We can do this, we will do this. And people will remember this moment for ages to come. are you with me?" Bellamy had to admit that he was good. He raised his gun in the air and yelled with the rest. Jasper pulled down his beanie, and the rest followed. "Okay, people. Here we go. Aim straight, don't get caught."

That was their last warning before Jasper unlocked the door and ran out of the locker room.

-

"I told you not to get caught," Jasper complained as they stood shivering on the pavement outside the gym. They were slowly getting redressed and the vodka made fabric of Bellamy's shirt stick to his skin.

"Jasper, they got you first," Raven said in disbelief and Jasper simply waved her off.

"Details," he huffed and Finn smacked him over the head, "Ow. I only got caught cause I was too busy looking out for you. Who knew Ms Kane was so strong." Everyone snickered at the image of Jasper being pulled out of the gym by a sixty year old lady and laughed even harder when they saw the affronted look on his face.

"Hey, incoming," Finn said lowly and looked over Bellamy's shoulder. Bellamy turned around and saw Clarke stepping out of the gym. Everyone looked at each other in slight panic and wondered how the best way to handle this would be.

"I vote Bellamy take the fall for this one," Monty said and everyone quickly agreed. Then they turned around and ran for Finn's car.

"Thank you, assholes," Bellamy shouted after them as Clarke came up to him. The car started and drove in a fast pace away from the school. Bellamy wasn't sure, but he thought he could see Jasper's ass pressed up against the window. He turned around to face her and smiled sweetly at her. "Hello, princess. Fancy seeing you here." Clarke shook her head and tried not to let the smile tugging at her lips win.

"You know, I should have suspected something when you didn't show up here dressed like hobos," she said and Bellamy grinned widely.

"We're all for the element of surprise," he said. "You expected wardrobe malfunction and we gave it to you, just not when you expected it."

Clarke nodded with a small smile and sat down on a bench to their right. Bellamy hesitated briefly before sitting down next to her. "Are you angry?" he asked and to his surprise Clarke started laughing.

"God, no," she said and laughed even louder when she saw the dumbstruck look on his face. "Bellamy this is tradition by now, everyone's expecting it. I would've been disappointed if you _hadn't_ done anything. And besides, the look on the teachers faces made it so much better. I think you hit Mr Jackson in the face with vodka. It was amazing."

Her eyes glittered in the moonlight and Bellamy had the strongest urge to lean forward and kiss her.

"That's... very big of you," he managed to get out. "I know how much time you spent planning this thing."

Clarke smiled sunnily at him. "I know you know," she said, "And you've probably suppressed this but you helped a lot as well. Just being there, pretending to listen to my ramblings helped a lot."

She poked him in the side, which had Bellamy give out a snort of laughter, before leaning back against the bench.

"Maybe that's why I like you, Bellamy," she said, so casually Bellamy almost missed it, "You might be selfish a lot of the time, but when someone needs you, you're always there."

Bellamy felt his throat dry up. He swallowed several times to get his voice to work. "You like me? Since when?"

"I’ve always liked you, Bellamy," Clarke said calmly. "You’re an ass most of the time, sure, but I never disliked you."

Bellamy looked up from the dirt on his shoe and over to Clarke. She had a small smile painted on her face and a slight blush coloured her cheeks. Bellamy felt something like hope in his chest and he quickly pushed it down.

"You never said anything," he said and Clarke shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal. "You didn’t either," she said and Bellamy didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t known, not until recently anyway. "Besides," she continued with a smile, "I felt like we’ve dated enough within the group to last a lifetime."

Bellamy gave out a small chuckle. “I guess you’re right,” he said lowly. He got lost in thoughts and wondered what would happen now. ”Your mother doesn’t like me,” he said suddenly, because that was the first thing that came to mind. Clarke looked at him with surprise before throwing her head back in a big laugh. It pleased Bellamy. To be able to make her laugh.

"No, she doesn’t," Clarke agreed, "She doesn’t like anyone but Wells."

Her mouth twisted into a displeased grimace and she picked at a loose thread in her jeans. Bellamy looked searchingly at her.

"But you never liked Wells," he whispered and her eyes caught his. They were open and honest and Bellamy felt like they could discover all his secrets if they only looked long enough.

"No," she said slowly. "I never liked Wells."

So, there it was. Clarke looked at him and he could see the doubt trickle into her mind. He grabbed her hand to try and make her understand that she didn't need to, that doubt wasn't necessary. But he opened his mouth and the only thing that came out was air. He raised his other hand and gently caressed the smooth skin of her cheek and her eyes fluttered slightly. "That's good," he whispered and couldn't help but smile, before pulling back and getting off the bench.

"It's late. Let me take you home?" he asked and she nodded with a shy smile. Bellamy led her to her car, opened the door for her and caught the keys when she threw them at him. He jumped in the drivers seat and pulled out of the parking lot. They didn't talk during the entire ride, but halfway to Clarke's home Bellamy felt Clarke's fingertips on the roof of his hand and she gently wrapped her fingers through his. It made the hairs on the back of his neck stand and he forced himself to keep his eyes focused on the road in front of him.

They stopped in front of Clarke's house, where the lights still were turned on, and Bellamy quickly jumped out of the car and hurried to the other side to help Clarke out. She accepted his hand with a smile, and with some serious eye rolling and they slowly walked up to her porch. The awkwardness returned when she turned around and looked at him and he wiped his palms on his pants. She had a cute blush spread across her face and Bellamy felt like the world stopped spinning. He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "See you tomorrow?" he asked and she nodded breathlessly. He smiled and backed off the porch and gave a small wave to Mr and Mrs Griffin who was, very badly, hiding in the window.

He waited until Clarke had closed the door behind her before turning around and with a smile on his face he began to make his way home.

 

 


	11. Fade out

They weren't perfect. Actually, they were far from it.

They fought more than they agreed, and they probably broke up five times in the two months before they graduated. Clarke drove him mad, he told Raven that much, and he swore that she would be the death of him eventually. That was usually followed by a middle finger thrown in the air, seeing as Clarke always seemed to sourly be sitting next to them. Clarke would then loudly proceed to tell everyone that he was lousy in bed, which made Finn and Raven look at each other and make pained grimaces before telling her that they knew first hand that wasn't true.

While Clarke, Finn and Raven went off to college, Bellamy stayed behind to take care of Octavia. He spent all his time working and making money to make sure that they would have enough when Octavia graduated. The minute Octavia graduated and was given a full scholarship to the college of her choice they packed up everything they owned and moved straight away. Together they found a small apartment twenty minutes from her college and both were surprised that they didn't kill each other within the first month.

Octavia threw herself into her studies and made sure that all her grades were up to the standards she would have to have to keep her scholarship. Bellamy also suspected that it had something to do with the fact that she wanted to make him proud, if the phone calls she and Jasper shared once a week was anything to go by. Like she wasn't already. Bellamy was sure to not be too protective when she ran out the door shouting things like ' _party, see you'_   and ' _got a date, don't wait up_ '. And if he slipped up every once in a while by demanding that she'd be home by 1 am, he would deny it until his dying day.

Clarke, Finn and Raven lived a few hours away and they visited each other as often as they could. The few times Clarke had a long weekend they would curl up on Bellamy's bed watching old movies, until Bellamy complained about how bad they were. Pretty much all their weekends ended early with Clarke furiously slamming the door after her as she left, with Bellamy shouting at her through the window as she drove away. After a few months Clarke was lovingly referred to as ' _that yelling lady_ ' by the other residents in the building.

So, they were probably broken up more than they were together. But one thing that never changed was the fact that they were always there for each other. When he scored a gig at a small pub in the next town over, she was there in the front row. And when Clarke needed a study partner he made sure that they had enough coffee and energy drinks to last them a life time. Bellamy was there when Clarke graduated from medical school and she was there when he got promoted at work. He was there when Clarke's father passed away in a car accident and when Octavia landed in an induced coma, after getting hit a few too many times in the cage, Clarke was the one who held his hand through the night. No matter how big their fight had been they always made sure that they knew that they could count on each other.

They stood opposite each other in a church and watched as Jasper and Raven said _I do_ with ridiculous amounts of love written on their faces. Bellamy chose not to question the two of them when they told them they were dating, only felt immense relief that Jasper wouldn't end up marrying Octavia. He wasn't even sure how they started dating in the first place. Bellamy thinks that New Mexico was involved somehow. At the reception he asked them and Jasper only said that she was too amazing for him and that he was lucky she even gave him a chance. For that Raven gave him a high five. "He goes down on me like a fucking diver," she confessed to Bellamy ten drinks later and Bellamy had to hand her his beer when he bent over with a loud gagging noise.

Finn began dating a guy. He was tall and blonde and Bellamy hated him with all his heart. Did so wholeheartedly for a few years until he realised that they weren't going to break up. Then he simply gave up and found out that David, his name was David apparently, Bellamy had named him ' _that asshole'_ in his head, was actually a great guy with an even greater taste in music.

Monty and Octavia was dating steadily. Not each other, but a lot of people throughout the years. Octavia complained that Bellamy scared away every guy she brought home, something Bellamy blindly denied. "You were sharpening a knife when we walked through the door," she screamed at one point before slamming the door shut. It wasn't until she wrestled him to the ground and threatened to break his arm that he promised to shape the fuck up.

He kept up with his music. After a couple of years of forcing it onto everyone he met he got a call from a small label interested in signing a contract. Bellamy fell off his chair, and had to let Octavia tell the woman on the end that, yes, he was interested and sure, he would be at their office next Monday. What happened after that is a blur. Bellamy only knew that it cost him a month's worth of salary. Somehow Octavia spent twice as much. Oh, and they got a big decorative flamingo delivered to their apartment two weeks later.

When they closed in on their thirties Bellamy asked Clarke to marry him. The answer was a big laugh in his face, followed by a deep kiss. "No, you asshole," she said and hit him in the arm. "We could never handle to be married to each other. At least not now. We fight way too much. And my mother still can't stand you, you need to give her at least five more years. And what if we get married and our sex drive completely dries up. We would kill each other."

Bellamy had to agree that she had a point.

He released two albums in three years. At first he had been worried that his songs wouldn't work without his friends, but somehow they did well enough for him not to be fired. The head of the label told him to keep up the good work. He went on a small tour around the U.S and realised that he was actually living the life he'd always wanted. So, maybe he wouldn't be the biggest rockstar there ever was but somehow he found that to be okay. He got recognised enough on the streets to properly feed his ego and he could sufficiently support himself on his music to not feel like a failure. Somehow that was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is goodbye. Thank you for reading it. I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
